Tour Members,
Welcome to 2023 YPGA season! After a relatively mild winter where many of the Tour got out there and achieved new milestones like breaking 80 with no witnesses, enjoyed preferred lies and fluffery, it is time to get back to the rigors of the YPGA season where the only tomfoolery acceptable occurs through shotguns, drinking, and other mind altering substances. After a diligent and exhaustive Executive Committee Dinner where major rule changes and landscape shifting ideas were discussed over multiple old fashioneds, bone-in filets, decadent family style sides, and fine desserts, the YPGA Exec Committee is pleased to bring you this enhanced version of the 2023 season.
First, the primary emphasis is on major tournaments as we allow members to miss a tourney and not be penalized in the standings. Second, the team events will be scaled back due to lack of attendance. Third, the team events are TBD depending on attendance but will consist of 4 teams rather than 2. The Exec Cup purse is alive and well with major portions of each tourney buy-in going to the overall payout. Finally, premium swag for members that wish to purchase!
March 12th will be our first event and it will be our YPGA Cup (Ryder Cup) team event. Yes, we know, the weather will likely consist of rain. Thank you for the screenshots and complaints about the weather. Here are the quick details:
Event Details:
Course: Pickering Valley Golf Club
Location: Phoenixville, PA
First Tee Time: 11:30am
Opening remarks by the YPGA Chief Operating Office: 11:15am on practice putting green next to Hole #1. Group shotgun to kick off the Shotgun Classic -- BYOB.
Rules: Unlimited Shotgun-Mulligans off the tee only. You must do your shotgun BEFORE to hitting the mulligan shot.
Monetary Payment: $10pp to Ed Grambo via Venmo ($5 closest to the pin; $5 to Exec Cup). Due immediately. Pay him.
Closest to the Pin: Hole 16.
Event: Stroke Play
YPGA Exec Cup Points: First place receives 1250, second place receives 900 and 100 point increments on down.
Driving Range: Yes.
Putting Green: Yes.
*YPGA Course Rules for PVGC:
We won’t know the exact condition of the course and severe weather will be in the area during our play. As a result, we will honor the following rules:
1. Lift, clean and place: if there is mud on your ball, you may lift, clean and place if the ball is in the fairway. Please don’t utilize this for every single shot.
2. Gimmes: gimmes can be taken if your putt is within a putter’s length of the hole. Does not apply to birdie or eagle putts. No gimmes at all on the last 3 holes (16, 17, 18).
3. Embedded ball: Embedded ball relief can be taken anywhere in the fairway, or first cut. Lift, clean your ball and replace it nearest to original spot.
4. Embedded ball in the rough: Embedded ball relief can be taken in the rough as well, except that you must lift, clean and DROP. You shouldn’t have to hit a plugged ball, but you shouldn’t get a preferred lie either.
5. Embedded ball that can’t be found: Your opponents need to agree that your ball should have been found in order to get a free drop in the general area where the ball was lost. (i.e. likely will only apply if you’re 5-10 yards into the rough and the ball is completely plugged and unfindable; does not apply when you hit the ball 100 yards into the woods)
6. Pooled water: if your ball or stance is in pooled water, find the nearest dry spot, no closer to the hole. Basically, move backwards or to the side to find a dry spot
7. Bunkers: Who knows what condition they will be in. If there’s sand, you hit out of bunker as usual. If your group deems the bunker as “Ground under Repair,” put your ball in the grass behind the bunker.
8. Do I get to move every ball to a preferred lie? No, you don’t. If there’s no mud on the ball and the lie is dry, play it as it lies.
Pickering Valley Shotgun Classic Preview/Groupings:
11:30am: Tag, Jay, Jerry
Tag is coming into the season with high hopes of improving his game. His driver game still sucks but he’s had some nice improvements with his irons and short game that could tremendously lower his scores this year. Avoiding OOB off the tee will be key and his new country club membership sure could help.
Jay is trying to rebound from a dismal 2022 campaign where he saw a massive regression in his game as he constantly blamed his handicap being too low. Rise up Jay, and don’t have too many pre-game breakfast burritos.
Dr. Jerry is also looking for a more stable 2023 campaign. He showed glimpses in 2022 but his season will mainly be remembered for shotgunning 4 times at the PVGC last year en route to the most memorable hole of the season. If he can keep Teagan off the brain, it could be a bounce back season.
11:30am: Ed, Musselman, Tucci
Ed is looking to make a big jump this year. He quietly got his handicap to 14 at the end of last year and he’s wondering if he can take that next leap. A bomber at heart, can he dial in his short game and realize that’s where he sucks?
Musselman is simply looking to get healthy this year and regain his solid form. If he has healed and has the confidence to swing the club like he can, it should be a good year.
Tucci saw some major excitement last year at Jaws’ course – Mike is a big Jaws fan – and that excitement was felt deep in his plums. Mike needs to commit to the YPGA and he could be a major mover from the back of the pack. Unfortunately, daddy issues are sure to loom large and could crush his ability to duck out of the office for much needed golf time.
11:50am: Vince, Dave King, Wayne, Launi
Vince is flying high after a career campaign where he actually earned the plaid jacket and Exec Cup. Winning multiple majors and finishing T3 or better in others capped a dominating campaign. Luckily for the Tour, handicap revisions are abound and maybe more enforcement on the shotguns (he should have to swallow the beer and not throw it up like a bulimic) should help.
Dave King just needs to play more, but will he? When his brain is right, he can drill that driver and get up and down for bogey or better. Could he be the biggest mental case named Dave on Tour…? Could be.
Oh Wayne. What can we say about the Erie native who locked himself out of his car on the biggest day of his life and proceeded to finish third overall when he easily had second place locked up and first place in his sights. You know what they say, losers always whine about their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Wayne did the former. And now he’ll miss the destination trip to boot. Abysmal start to 2023 for Wayne Train.
Launi! Hey man. Welcome back.
12:00pm: Carney, Billy, Sabara, Andy
Carney put together a quietly underrated 2022 campaign where he scrapped and clawed his way to a second place overall finish. No majors on his resume, still, but his PR team has worked hard to change the public perception of his weather dependent moods and his sports psychologist has trimmed his pre-swing thoughts from 12 down to 3. Stress-free mediocrity awaits Carney in 2023.
Billy has to deal with that newborn sleep deprivation at the start of his 2023 season and his 2022 results do not give his fans anything to feel confident about. Can Billy snap out of it and regain his 2017 form? Here’s a thought – get rid of that two way miss. It’s so easy.
Sabara should have one goal on his list this season – stop being a pussy at the point of impact. Jesus Mike, let it rip would ya?
Winter 77, I mean Andy, has logged more rounds in 2022 than a PGA Tour professional but what are we to make of his game? A 77 at his home course with no one watching? Or a 100 at an away course with all of his friends watching? This question belongs on the SAT.
Prediction:
1. Ed
2. Vince
3. Carney
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