YPGA Tour Members,
The Executive Committee is excited to officially kick-off the 2024 YPGA Major Season with The 2024 YPGA Open at Wyncote Golf Club!
The YPGA’s signature Major is an incredible way for tour members to showoff what you all have been working on early in the 2024 season. This year’s course, Wyncote Golf Club, will provide excellent course conditions, allow for opportunities to go low (mid-80’s), and is just a short 8-hour jaunt to get to! The travel time is a great opportunity to mentally prepare 1, 2, 3, even 4 times for this exciting event!
Past major YPGA Open winners such as Chris Meyer and Matt Launi (2) have used this event to springboard themselves to successful seasons and Executive Cup Championships. Which mediocre to bad golfer will use the 2024 Major kickoff to achieve everlasting glory! On to the preview!
Course: Wyncote Golf Club
Date: June 1, 2024
Location: Bumblefuck, PA
Tee Times: 7:33am, 7:42am, 7:51am, 8:00am
Opening remarks by the YPGA Chief Operating Officer: 7:25am near the clubhouse.
Post Round Drinks: Undetermined. There may be an actual saloon nearby for all we know.
Rules:
1. 1 Shotgun per 18. You must do your shotgun BEFORE to hitting the mulligan shot. No nonsense about “doing your shotgun after you tee off”. Enforce the rules.
2. Lift, clean and place: only if there is mud on your ball, you may lift, clean and place if the ball is in the fairway. You may not automatically lift, clean and place.
3. Gimmes: gimmes can be taken if your putt is within a putter’s length of the hole. Does not apply to birdie or eagle putts. No gimmes at all on the last 3 holes (16, 17, 18).
4. Embedded ball: Embedded ball relief can be taken anywhere in the fairway, or first cut. Lift, clean your ball and replace it nearest to original spot.
5. Pooled water: if your ball or stance is in pooled water, find the nearest dry spot, no closer to the hole. Basically, move backwards or to the side to find a dry spot.
6. Bunkers: If there’s sand, you hit out of bunker as usual. If your group deems the bunker as “Ground under Repair,” put your ball in the grass behind the bunker.
7. Do I get to move every ball to a preferred lie? No, you don’t. If there’s no mud on the ball and the lie is dry, play it as it lies.
Monetary Payment: $20pp to Ed Grambo via Venmo ($10 closest to the pin). Due immediately. Pay him.
Closest to the Pin: Hole 14.
Event: Stroke Play.
Handicaps: The Executive Committee in instituting a 20% reduction of course handicaps for all members playing in the YPGA Open. This means if, per The Grint, you would normally receive 20 strokes when playing at Wyncote Golf Club, for the YPGA Open you receive 16. Please review the YPGA Tour Telegram for more information on what your handicap is for this event. Please adjust your handicap within The Grint before teeing off.
YPGA Exec Cup Points: see Points Schedule.
Driving Range: Yes.
Putting Green: Yes.
Late Scratches: Greg Taglialatela (Lack-of-Commitment/Children’s Baseball Games), Drew Kerr (Stuck in Houston Doing Businessman Stuff (Gay Furry Convention))
2024 YPGA Open Storylines
The Tour is ready to leap into the heart of the 2024 season. Executive Committee member Ed Grambo was quoted as saying “2024 is going to be the YPGA Tour’s best season yet! The camaraderie, tomfoolery, and alcohol use likely will hit all-timehighs. We are all very excited to repeatedly make fun of Drew Kerr. What about the golf? Oh yea, we’ll golf. Should be fine.”
The favorite coming into the Open has to be the 3-time winner and reigning YPGA Executive Cup Champion, Vince Sobocinski. A late addition to the event, Vince told his family to fuck right off so he can compete in the Open and kick off his quest to become the 1st 4-time YPGA Executive Cup Champion. His commitment to golf has never been stronger. A lowered handicap due to his strong play at Penn Oakes will test the self-proclaimed “Wedge-Wizard” on his quest.
Former YPGA Executive Cup Champion Paul Koch is ready to dive into the 2024 season like a plate of smoked chicken wings. Due to poor weather (who could believe it), Paul graciously offered to hold the 2024 Shotgun Classic at his Club, The Legacy Club at Woodcrest. Paul really made a name for himself at the club by bringing a bunch of his dipshit friends to play the Club’s course one week into his membership. Thanks for your unwavering commitment to the YPGA Tour Paul, a true class act. However, it’s not all delicious ribs and pork shoulder for Paul. His foray into fatherhood has dampened his ability to win YPGA events in the previous few years. Paul is hoping his membership at Woodcrest and increased golf opportunities will allow him to smoke the competition like he smokes that meat… not gay (maybe).
Billy Kelly is ready to make some moves for the 2024 season. Billy has had a down few years on Tour as fatherhood and Lehigh Valley living impacted his game, but 2024 is a clean slate. However, he may not actually make the event as a result of being murdered at a local dive hotel, but here’s to hoping for the best (the best being not stabbed)! Lock that door, Bill!
David Carney has had strong showings in his last few events and is ready for the Open. The 2023 Destination Championship, 2024 Shotgun Classic winner, and wearer of golf pants only needs one more win for what we call “a winning streak”. Daveis hopeful his membership/increased golf opportunities at Manufacturers Golf and Country Club will allow him to continue his strong play. The handicap reduction may have a real negative impact on Dave, along with always present “Davey Tum Tums” alter-ego ready to rear its ugly head. Take that Imodium David!
Will Andy Kotulka finally break through and win a major? The Blue Bell Country Club member and owner of a simulator in his home is hoping his offseason work will pay dividends at Wyncote. The Tour is excited to see if that banana slice has been corrected and there is no more Peyronie’s Disease on that drive. Here’s to also hoping Tesla’s battery allows Andy to make it to the course and back because there’s no way there is a charging station where we will be!
Andy’s blue-collar neighbor, Chris Meyer, is ready to add to his Hall of Fame YPGA career. Chris, the inaugural YPGA Open Champion, has quietly had some up and down play over the prior few years and it has not led to hardware to add to his collection which is stored on a shelf he built himself with power tools. Chris is hoping for an all-star campaign in 2024 (not All-Star Pizza in Manayunk (RIP) where he was banned for life) starting with a victory at Wyncote.
David King and Michael Patitucci are ready to make noise at the Open. Dave has opened 2024 with a slowed down swing that is solid off the tee but his atrocious putting is not deserving of the “putter-fire” monicker (back-to-back champs). Michael has had a hot start to 2024 beating Nate at his own course, Old York Country Club, in their 2024 Match Play matchup. Nate now has to wear Mike’s cargo shorts until he can redeem himself. Daveand Mike also have that little ring of fire on their handicaps on The Grint so that has to mean something, I guess. Let’s see if their recent strong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ play will continue and they get to keep that cool feature!
Former YPGA Open Champions Ed Grambo and Nate Kraynak will not be attending this years event as they will be re-enacting Brokeback Mountain in the Poconos. Lyco (Gay)Pride!!!
Wayne Zimmer is ready for the Open. After a big win over Dave King at Penn Oakes to move into the 3rd round of the 2024 Match Play Championship, Wayne was quoted as saying “I cannot believe it took me to the last hole to beat him. He gets like 400 strokes. He hit it out of a freaking dry bed creek! The William Penn statue was disgusted” Last time Wayne played Wyncote, he shot a scorching 75 and yet still wasn’t able to claim victory over Vince! Wayne is hoping those… 4 strokes…he’s getting this time around give him an opportunity to win at Wyncote!
Gerry Margiotti came into 2024 fuming after not being able to attend Streamsong and then not being able to write a Shotgun Classic preview. Gerry played well at the Shotgun Classic, remaining in contention until the final holes. Gerry is hoping his long, fade drive and early morning Teegan Pressley JO session will help him remain relaxed and focused during his round at Wyncote.
Multi-time YPGA Open winner Matt Launi… glad to see your alive and your phone now works. The Tour has no idea what you have been up to (likely Big Cat Hunting in Chester Country dive bars) so we don’t truly know how your golf game but we’ll guess solid. Matt was going to be playing Drew at Wyncote in their 2024 Match Play matchup but Drew backed out like a little bitch. Who’s ever heard of United cancelling a flight? Bogus excuse. Anyway, Matt likely will win Saturday so there’s that.
The Ultimate Warrior of the Tour, Jay Torrance, is ready sprint to Wyncote so he can flex his mediocre golf game. Coming off a high of WrestleMania being held in Philly, Jay will need to refocus his efforts after a few tough outings at Streamsong,however, his ability to shoot low 80’s will keep him in contention.
Michael Sabara will be at the YPGA Open participating in a blue or maroon shirt and Amazon Basics shorts. Mike fought incredibly hard in his Match Play opener against Greg Taglialatela, taking the event to an extra hole where he lostbecause he didn’t it past the lady’s tees and then almost hit a townhome. Mike is hoping his 24 strokes and old, Asian woman slap game can keep him in contention during Saturday’s event!
Scott Dalane joins the Tour this year. Welcome Scott! Scott is a mid-handicapper who will immediately challenge Gerry forwho is the best Doctor on tour. I’m sure we all care about that.
The Executive Committee is very excited to see everyone Saturday at this prestigious event! The 2024 YPGA Open may have “major” ramifications on who ends the year holding the Executive Cup. Get some rest and good luck!
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